| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Board Member | 1689 | No
Team
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| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Jul 2003 | 22 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Nov 2007 | Jan 1970 | LINK |
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TO BE FIXED |
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Ireland Declares War on France
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings. Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This
is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replies, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there
is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac pauses. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers.
Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
500 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!""Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of
Guinness,and decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
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| Rank | Posts | Team |
| International Chairman | 9336 | No
Team
Selected |
| Joined | Service | Reputation |
| Jan 2003 | 23 years | |
| Online | Last Post | Last Page |
| Oct 2011 | Oct 2011 | LINK |
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| Location |
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| Signature |
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TO BE FIXED |
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Yorkshire Women
3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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