Just been to my local mini-market to purchase some milk. Need a coffee to combat a minor hangover. Wandered up to the till, paid for it then got asked if I wanted a free paper? 'What is it I nonchalantly enquired'?....'Daily Mail', the bird from behind the counter offers...'I wouldn't wipe my @rse on it' I reply...'Yes but it's cheaper than bog paper' she retorts'.