I remember an ex-employee many years ago who had made a complete cock-up of a job for me. When I questioned the bizarre way he'd approached it, which bore no resemblance to the conventional methods adopted or that he'd been taught in the expensive training he'd had, he said "well there's more than one way of doing things, isn't there?". I replied on along the lines that I agreed, but that only works if you actually get things right not produce a muddled mess. Another stupid defence and I was getting really angry, bearing in mind the job was as simple as they get. So in a rage I pointed out of the window where the local alcoholics were gathered and said, "I could have gone down there, got someone off the street, explained exactly what to do like I did to you and they'd probably have done a better job wouldn't they?" He gobsmacked me by answering "Yes"

(not sarcastically either).

We play bullSh1t bingo at work it's quite hilarious!



Favourites include 'traction' 'touch base' 'end of play' 'low hanging fruit' 'safeguard' 'on your radar' 'circle that back' also our desks were referred to as 'pods' today

What business was this, the mafia?

He now , 'swims with the fishes.'

I think the expression is 'sleeps with the fishes'.



As in 'dead'.

You are correct, and I hate being wrong!

You should be used to it by now!

I agree, although I partly blame it on having such a vast and varied general knowledge. I got Abu Hamza and Quatada mixed up the other day.

Work in retail, you get them on a daily basis.

"if you can't deal with difficult customers, go to ellsmere port, fit car doors for a living" is my favourite of our store managers.



There's also something wonderfully funny about a Mancunian constantly saying customers will "go mad for it" (complete with a mime of someone surfing) when a new offer comes up.



"don't get mad, get even"

"be the best in town"

"if it's in the building it's on the shelf"

"customers can't buy empty space"

Get marketing on it.

if someone at work talks cobblers I just ask them if they have ever watched Father Ted. If they reply yes I say Jack talks more sense than you. If they say No I tell them watch Dougal at his best as He must be related.

how is that bollox, it's quite true







likewise both of those, make perfect sense in a retail environment.

Are you his boss??

no, I'm just right on this odd occasion

Not exactly management bollix.....



An ex manager of mine would give occasional speeches to his (small) staff, and would invariably start with 'Presently, at this time we are.......'



I just wanted to scream "either/or" at him each time he said it.

Our Head of Client Services is a master at these. Everyone is either "touching base" or "on point" with their "holistic" "synergy".



My personal favourite was his meeting invitiation to "wrap a layer of strategic thought around the <client> campaign".



Working in digital marketing, you have to get used to them but so far at least, I'm resisting.

"lets take this offline" in a meeting is often used at our place.

That's quite splendid. I might try to adapt it for everyday use.

He would be with a job title like that.

I assume this invitation was issued before the campaign got under way and at the early planning stage? Otherwise, he's doing things a**e roads round and is in the wrong job.

[i"I won't debate this issue with you".[/i

ESTJ by any chance?

[i"Lets debate this outside of this Meeting"[/i



Yes, that just means it probably won't happen!

In one job review I was told I had to develop "helicopter vision". Later I was told in the space of 60 seconds that I was indecisive and also that I made decisions too quickly. The guy doing the review had a pad under the desk he kept looking down to read cliches off. After 3 hours of him arguing and me laughing at him we gave up.

I still, 12 years later, can end up in a rant about the guy. He is now one of our customers, and true to form he's a total tt. I delegate that account.