Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:56 pm  

saville was asked how old his latest girlfriend was. he replied

now ten now ten

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:59 pm  

Damned deaf vigilantes
They've just beaten up Jimmy Summerville by mistake

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:47 pm  

Gonna go for an alternative halloween costume this year and try to scare middle-aged women instead.

My costume will consist of a long blonde wig, a tracksuit, lots of gold chains and a cigar.

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:22 pm  

I see Jimmy Savile's family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers growing around it as a sign of respect to his victims.

So it just leaves a small hole with no bush around it.

Just what Jimmy would have wanted

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:06 pm  

I just bumped into Audley Harrison in Tesco. I said, "Sorry mate, give me your hand and I'll pull you up".

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Sun Oct 14, 2012 4:14 pm  

The desire to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is only ever a whim away.....

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Sun Oct 14, 2012 5:39 pm  

A neighbour just knocked on my door and asked me if he could borrow my mobile phone . There has been an accident down the road . A Cas fan has been hit by a truck and is mangled and bleeding to death . When I asked why he don't use his own phone he replied ...


'I can't take pictures on mine .'

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:17 am  

An old Marine Pilot sat down at Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC
flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee..

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him and asked,
Are you a real pilot?
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first
Stearmans, then the early
Grummans....
Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict,
Banshees and
Cougars..
I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds,
so I guess I am a
pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked
women. As soon as I get upin the morning I think about naked women.
When I shower I think about naked women. When I watch TV I think about
naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the
old pilot and asked: "are you areal pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:00 pm  

George Clooney is to star in a new fim about the life of Jimmy Saville.

It's called Oh, She's eleven

Re: Jokes Thread 2 : Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:43 pm  

When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me,
Speaking words of Wisdom,

"......Mr. Grimsdale!! MR.GRIMSDALE!!!"