Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 1:04 am  

Madcap theory I heard in work today. The plane was laden with Ukranian bullion and the Americans have flown it to Diego Garcia.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:07 am  

I have theory on this and it sounds mad.

It crashed in the vast ocean and is very hard to find

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:50 am  

WIZEB wrote:

We suddenly have a plethora of Sin Bin expert aviators.

Well I have a very good theory but I'm keeping my cards close to my chest until Sky News ring me to appear on all of their news bulletins for the next four or five weeks, but here is a sneak preview for you all...

The plane was hijacked by penguins.



It explains it all, penguins from Kuala Lumpur zoo disguised as nuns boarded the plane then shortly after takeoff bribed the cabin crew with chocolate biscuit bars to let them into the cockpit, a common enough practice on Malaysia flights apparently, once in their they threw off their cunning disguises and threatened the pilots with the aid of their sharp beaks, huddling around in a circle like they do on those David Attenborough documentaries they trapped the pilots into a huddle while their expert penguin pilot (who trained at a private company in Arizona) turned off the tracking devices and headed for home, Antarctica.

You heard it here first, now keep a lid on it while I negotiate a fee with The Discovery Channel, this covers so many of their documentary bases that I should get at least two lots of fees.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 10:03 am  

WIZEB wrote:

We suddenly have a plethora of Sin Bin expert aviators.

At least I've watched "Air Crash Investigation"

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 3:03 pm  

JerryChicken wrote:

Well I have a very good theory but I'm keeping my cards close to my chest until Sky News ring me to appear on all of their news bulletins for the next four or five weeks, but here is a sneak preview for you all...

The plane was hijacked by penguins.



It explains it all, penguins from Kuala Lumpur zoo disguised as nuns boarded the plane then shortly after takeoff bribed the cabin crew with chocolate biscuit bars to let them into the cockpit, a common enough practice on Malaysia flights apparently, once in their they threw off their cunning disguises and threatened the pilots with the aid of their sharp beaks, huddling around in a circle like they do on those David Attenborough documentaries they trapped the pilots into a huddle while their expert penguin pilot (who trained at a private company in Arizona) turned off the tracking devices and headed for home, Antarctica.

You heard it here first, now keep a lid on it while I negotiate a fee with The Discovery Channel, this covers so many of their documentary bases that I should get at least two lots of fees.

There couldn't be a penguin pilot because everyone knows that penguins can't 'fly'.
However, they don't need to fly to be experts on everything aeronautical since they can read, otherwise why do we print Penguin books?
I agree the penguin theory is a breakthrough and the Malaysian authorities should be alerted ASAP.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 3:04 pm  

Lord God Jose Mourinho wrote:

Autopilots can't land the plane safely, can they? No good sending it to an airport, which is usually within about 10 miles of a major city, if that plane is going to be making a crash landing.

Yes, modern jets can land themselves, (and in sever weather eg very bad visibility, frequently do) as long as the airport has the relevant ILS systems. (Many landings at foggy airports, like Leeds Bradford, often don't take place and the plane is instead diverted not because it couldn't land (it easily could) but because to be allowed to do so, you need 2 qualified ILS pilots on board and most typical flights don't have.

In the case of a dire emergency I suggest a pilot would choose to disobey this rule rather than set course for death in the Antarctic.

Lord God Jose Mourinho wrote:

If the pilots are going to be dead in a very short time, and therefore everyone on the plane is likely to die too (or be dead already), the main thing to do is point the plane where it's not going to take anyone else out. Antarctica is pretty much that place.

It could never reach Antarctica, though. And if the plane could fly for seven hours then it could definitely land. And if you have time to set up such a bizarre scenario then you'd certainly have time to tell ATC what you are planning and why.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 3:07 pm  

WIZEB wrote:

We suddenly have a plethora of Sin Bin expert aviators.

Excuse me, I believe you have accidentally stumbled into the wrong forum. You are looking for a forum where expert aviators discuss arcane, technical and obscure matters concerning their art. This isn't one.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 3:17 pm  

Ferocious Aardvark wrote:

Excuse me, I believe you have accidentally stumbled into the wrong forum. You are looking for a forum where expert aviators discuss arcane, technical and obscure matters concerning their art. This isn't one.

Isn't it always the cap fits merchants that respond first.
lol
Good thread this one.

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:22 pm  

Could have been a Narwhale that hijacked the plane, disguising a Narwhale as a person would be tricky but once on board its got its own very pointy built-in weapon, sure, getting a Narwhale disguised as a businessman through security checks would be tricky "I beg your pardon, this isn't a weapon, its my nose, do you mind?" but once through then it all fits, Narwhale wants to go to the Antartic, escapes from Kuala Lumpar zoo, etc etc etc

In fact, has anyone got Kay Burley's phone number, I'm going to tip her off to do a head count at the zoo, I bet there are several cold water creatures missing, it all fits...

Re: Malaysia Airlines place vanishes. : Sat Mar 22, 2014 5:55 pm  

JerryChicken wrote:

Could have been a Narwhale that hijacked the plane, disguising a Narwhale as a person would be tricky but once on board its got its own very pointy built-in weapon, sure, getting a Narwhale disguised as a businessman through security checks would be tricky "I beg your pardon, this isn't a weapon, its my nose, do you mind?" but once through then it all fits, Narwhale wants to go to the Antartic, escapes from Kuala Lumpar zoo, etc etc etc

In fact, has anyone got Kay Burley's phone number, I'm going to tip her off to do a head count at the zoo, I bet there are several cold water creatures missing, it all fits...

You're just being silly now ... the penguin theory was good ... now you are just making stuff up.

Back to penguins ... one of the pilots could have been the Penguin himself.
I think we need to contact Bruce Wayne.