"Let's take this offline."



Same result.

Let me guess - David Cameron on NHS reform.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the other game you can play with this.



When you get a particularly obtuse example, ask them to explain it in simple words, and when they use another cliche whilst doing this, ask them to explain that one too.... etc.



My best was four layers of explaination and a self satisfied smile inside when it came down to 'can we look at this from a different angle'.

I'd have argued that one aswell tbh.

I've just received than email from a new buyer at head office asking if we can touch base next week. I think I'll reply with a few cliches of my own thrown.

Me and my colleague are good at getting rid of sales people on the 'phone. Particularly, like those who come on to 'touch base' and act like they're old friends! Amazing how quickly they get the message when you say brusquely things like "What base is that?" "What ARE you on about?" etc. etc

I did think that as I wrote it.. But it's hardly as obtuse (sorry....) as 'coming at it out of hyperspace' as I have heard in the past.

Having read these few pages on this thread I cant believe how many of these I hear at our place!



One thats not been on here that we hear regular is that we have to "link in " with someone else if theres an issue.



Has anyone else had the "manage your manager" line or "manage your expectations"

Oooh just remembered another. Whenever we contact our wonderful American colleagues about global clients, they always find reason to end their 'note' with:



"...and thank you for reaching out."

We get the full on American treatment..



'Remember to deliver the wow and polish that gold!'

I can only assume you work in porn?

I once worked in the R&D department of a major engineering company where we had a manager who had been on waaaay too many training courses. We used to keep a notebook entitled 'The Sayings of Chairman Richard' as he came out with so many of these gems. We also used to run competitions to see how many made-up expressions we could slip into a meeting without him batting an eyelid.



Two of my favourites that he came out with:



[iWe seem to be trapped on a peninsular of illogical thought.[/i



[iThese (insert customer name here) boys are tricky Kangaroos to box[/i

I'm going to try and use that and the earliest opportunity.

Same. That is excellent!

My mate, md of a large organisation, is completely against all this bollox speak, and has just forwarded me an email from one of his managers after he'd asked him to carry out a task for him,



"Sorry Steve. I just don't have any bandwidth at the moment as I've already got too many plates spinning. Perhaps you could plug in with Ronan as he's had some downtime recently and might be able to carve out an opening for you. I'll flip him your mail if you like."



Priceless!

It looks like that at the moment with the amount of Brazilians (nationals!) swanning about .. I work on a Cruise Ship.

I particularly like the use of peninsular when island would be the more obvious choice. Peninsular suggests that there is a way out of this illogical thought process. Clever!

A few months back, one of our directors went "freelance" and set up his own venture. This is the sort of nonsense that is on his website:



In the "What we do" section:







In the "How we do it" section:

Quote freelanceusiness name comprises an harmonious elite membership of visionaries, luminaries, communicators and influencers, all of whom have been forwarded and seconded by the inner circle.

'"

No, I haven't got a fecking clue either....

I'd be tempted email them just to say "so, what do you do then please?"

No idea why you've taken the company name out, a quick google throws up one site with that particular brand of bull.

Although, having looked through the entire website I still don't know what they actually do, albeit anonymously.

Just looked on their site too. Ridiculous!

Just had a quick peek myself. Three words...



What. The. Feck?

We had a sales manager from the US and at one meeting we put together a PowerPoint version of This is Your Life. He had a lot of sayings that we collected over the years and we called them his "Principles". Here ar just a few ( and he really said these),



Facts not known to me are irrelevant.



There are 50 million photocopiers in the world and I sold all of them.



There is no such word as No.



You have to fail to succeed.



If it's a good idea it's mine, if it's a bad idea it's yours.



All customers are a$$$holes.



"Great Ones " don't suck.

Finance: =#BF0000[i"You're currently making how much?"[/i



Manager: [i"About £30,000 per week on average"[/i



Finance: =#BF0000[i"And how many staff?"[/i



Manager:[i "12"[/i



Finance:=#FF0000 [i"With all your staff do you think you could make, say, £45,000 in a week?"[/i



Manager: [i"Oh, yeah - sure!"[/i (Nodding vigorously)



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2 weeks later ....



<telephone rings>